All posts tagged self-consciousness

Last night I went to the TRADE party at Black Eagle for the first time. The basic premise, as we were warned by the bouncer before going in and told again by the host, abeardedboy, as we entered, was simply that everybody should be free to do what they want where they want without worrying what anybody else around thinks. Basically that means no dress code and have sex wherever you damn well please. (Interestingly, despite that extra freedom the dark and hidden backroom was full to capacity for a good portion of the night and very little sex was witnessed elsewhere.)

I wore a leather harness under a black t-shirt, and a nasty pig jock (with my chastity cage) under jeans. On the walk there I wasn’t sure how much I was going to leave on or take off once I got to the bar. When I got there I glanced around quickly to gauge the general level of dress and decided to lose the T but kept the jeans on. At the time, that’s what I was comfortable with, but later, especially as I saw others dressed in less, I started to wish that I had dropped the jeans too. Of course if Hawk had been there there wouldn’t have been a question about it, but on my own I’m much more self-conscious. (To be honest, I still would be self-conscious with Hawk there, especially when I ran into other people I know outside of a sexual context, but he wouldn’t have let me acquiesce to that feeling.)

At one point, I watched a group of hot guys enjoying each other’s company in one corner of the room by the DJ and go-go boys. By that of course I mean dicks out, hard, jerking, fucking, and sucking. These were some hot sluts and, though I’m pretty sure most of them knew each other already (I could be wrong), it was still awesome the way they just embraced their sexual sides and went at each other on the spot. It was all about having fun, not about conforming to what somebody else thinks sex should be. It’s both an attitude I want to emulate and a quality I’d like to have in the people I surround myself with.

Finally, I must say, I was very jealous of the three or four guys I saw with chain collars locked on. Hawk knows this. I am sure that while it may take a while to work on the first three points, this one he may rectify shortly.

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