Discussion

After the last home stretch of 40 days, the big finale of my 2014 challenge was on January 5th.

I missed the original challenge by a factor of two, and bit of fudging from when I decided to give myself 24 hour pass each time I came, but it was still an intense and horny year. I got to cum on 24 days all year, which is on average slightly less than once every two weeks. My longest stretch was the first one at 78 days, and that’s a record that will likely stick around for a while.

The full stats have been archived here.

The next challenge has already been laid out, but it’s definitely a casual one this time around. I’m taking January off — which includes jerking off whenever I want to, which I think I’ve earned! — so probably won’t be updating too much about challenge progress until the summer. There’s quite a few things I know I can knock off on a good warm summer day! I won’t be posting regularly but I’ll still definitely post when I cross something off the list. Here’s to another challenging year!

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It’s now over 30 days since I last came and probably about a week until I will be allowed to. I’m into that stage where I start thinking about all my fantasies I want to make come true. My plan for 2015 is going to be to set 12 different challenges or tasks, and aim to complete one per month.

Before we get to that, the first rule: I am not allowed to cum unless somewhere else is in the room. I’m not going to put a limit on how much I’m allowed to cum, or how often, just that I’m not allowed to waste a load alone.

At first I thought I shouldn’t be allowed to cum by my own hand at all, but I want to allow for times when I jerk off in places like the showers at the gym. For the record outdoors will always be allowed since there’s always somebody outdoors. Places in my own building don’t count, though, so I can’t just run off to the stairwell every night.

I don’t have all 12 challenges yet, so I need suggestions. I’ve already solicited some of these from twitter — tweet me @gregnaked or comment here and I’ll consider them. So far contenders are:

* take a baseball bat up my ass
* get double fucked
* walk naked around Church Street during pride
* shoot a load out in the open at the beach (not hiding in the bushes)
* get a good video of me topping someone
* drink piss on the street at Folsom
* take part in the World Naked Bike Ride

Needless to say, all of these will be done with photo and video evidence. Two — Folsom and the WNBR — depend on specific dates, so really I should have more than 12 challenges ready to go in case I can’t make those events on those dates.

Send me suggestions and I’ll post a complete list (or at least, more complete), on the Jan 1st.

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Since this challenge sort of fell apart in the summer and fall months, I’ve way over-shot my goal (har har) of only cumming 12 times all year.

I’ve decided I want to finish off the year right, though. So no cumming in December. I last shot a load on November 26th. And I won’t shoot another one until January. I’m about two weeks in and I’m starting to remember that so-horny-I’ll-do-anything headspace very well…

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So, I haven’t been keeping up to date here with stories. I may yet back-fill some posts, but as of now the last post was two months ago. The stats page is still up to date, though.

I haven’t been keeping up to once-a-month, though back on October 1st Hawk did try to challenge me to not cum again until 2015. I think it’s a really hot idea and I want to do my best with it, but it hasn’t exactly worked yet…

One issue is that I’ve started something regular with someone, and he gets veto power. That’s what lead to cumshots #17 and #18. He’s very much into the idea of this challenge, but three months is a long time for him too!

The most recent was just a moment of weakness. As usual, the first couple days after cumming are the hardest. Your body remembers what it’s like to actually get that release, and wants more. Nonetheless I’m hoping from now to the end of the year the only times I cum are at the hand of either Hawk or the new guy. Which in a way was really what this challenge was right from the beginning, so no news there…

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So, time to come clean.

I had done really well through the first part of the year, but lately I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit. I’ve cheated a few times and been jerking off (yes, all the way) more than I should.

There was an incident right before pride where I was checking out this really hot guy on xtube by the name of sabulum and just couldn’t keep it in any more. Especially with this video:

Something about how nervous he seems, but still goes through with what his dick is telling him to do, talking himself through it, and showing everything in the process, is really really hot. Even better that he’s so damn cute, and in that video locked in chastity too. Can’t help but wonder what the story there is. The videos of him leaving his apartment building buck naked also really got me off.

So, including my “bonus” cumshot, that would be my 8th load of the year.

Except, well, I did have a couple weaker moments earlier in the year, because of the problem I described in this post. These were always right after another cumshot, though, so really all part of the same event. So really when I say eight times cumming so far, I really mean that I’ve cum on 8 different days. And only 8 different days. For my own sanity I think I have to give myself a few hours grace period like that—which, for the record, I’ve only made use of twice, and still try to avoid—to keep up with the spirit of this whole challenge of going as long as possible between each orgasm.

Anyway, that happened back on June 24th, but here we are in July. There were a couple more times this week, once two days ago and once tonight, where I really have no excuse other than just jerking off to porn only and not having the self control I needed. So, those are shots 9 and 10. Without really any explanation. Totally a waste! Though it felt good at the moment I know it would be been so much more fun to save them up.

As part of all this, I revamped the Stats page a bit, so that I now have a table of each individual day that I’ve shot a load, plus how long it had been since the last one, and a link to the post where I describe what happened. I think this setup will be easier for me to keep up to date, which means it’ll keep me honest!

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It’s been over a week since my last update. There hasn’t been much to report, unfortunately. With my full time job there’s not much time to do anything. Even cumming!

Number of times cumming in 2014: 2 (only 10 left!)
Time without cumming: 55 days, 20 hours

There just hasn’t been an opportunity that seemed worth it, although I had a couple good prospects that just haven’t panned out. This weekend will be busy with a big gay event which is occasionally pretty flirty, but I’m not anticipating any real action there either, so there’s a good chance we’ll be into March before I cum. That’s definitely good in that it’ll get me back on track for a once-a-month average, but I don’t want to go much longer!

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On Friday Hawk and my own hormones convinced me to lock my collar back on, and over the weekend I was at a few events at which it was out in the open. I have to say, it’s been a really mixed bag and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

Collar and harness

This is my collar; this is my harness; this is me ready for the leather party.

On one hand, I get that symbols are useful for shorthand communication; cf. the hanky code, among other things. But what really infuriates me about the kink community is this sense I get so often that there’s one right way to participate in a kink, and if you don’t follow the rules you aren’t welcome. I would have thought fellow kinksters, if anybody, would have understood that enforcing models onto other people’s sexuality isn’t a good way of going about things. I know it’s not a universal attitude, but even when I talk to fellow kinksters about it who tend to agree, it is still often only in a “I’m not racist but” kind of way.

This weekend it came up most directly in the form of assumptions about what my wearing a collar signified. One guy addressed Hawk as if I wasn’t even there. One laughed at me for “not knowing what it meant” when telling me that other guys weren’t allowed to flirt with me with it on. Another asked “so are you his boy now?” as if that was a well defined relationship model. I don’t really fault any of these guys for it—like I said I get that there is symbolism attached to it—but that symbolism seemed to conjure up all these rules about what I should and shouldn’t be doing with it for people. With my friends I know I explain things and correct their expectations, but some are really stubborn about it. It is not a surprise to me as this is by no means the first time I have faced this (I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been called “a bad sub” or told that “you must not really be into [any given kink] then” for not conforming to exactly how a guy thought things should go), but frankly I still just don’t get it.

Why am I wearing this collar? I wear it because I think it’s hot to be bound to a sign of submission to Hawk. It doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to speak to other guys. It doesn’t mean I’m exclusively “his boy”, whatever that is supposed to mean. It doesn’t mean that I’m not my own person. It doesn’t really define anything about my relationship to Hawk or anybody else other than the fact that we both thought it would be hot for me to wear it. I really wish that was the only assumption people would come up to me with.

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This morning I went to brunch with a friend, and he mentioned that was trying not to masturbate for a while. “How long has it been?” I asked.

“Three days.”

… that’s cute.

Tonight will mark one full month since the last time I came. This is the longest I’ve ever gone since I first learned how.

The effects have been pretty interesting. I wouldn’t say I’m in a constant state of arousal, but the threshold to get me there is pretty low. I do feel a bit like my sexual spidey senses have been heightened. I am much more aware of guys around me, whether they might be cruising (e.g., my numerous trips to the gym sauna), exchanging looks, and I find I respond much more readily. I’m more bold too; once over the summer I was with a friend who was completely conspicuous in his checking guys out, and he said he figures that there’s not really anything to lose if the guy catches you. I’m usually much more discreet, trying not to let anybody see that I might be interested, but I’m coming around to that friend’s way of thinking a lot more. How am I going to hook up with him if I don’t let him catch me cruising him?

Of course there are downsides: I have to be careful I don’t go further than is wise or appropriate in any given situation (e.g., I am horny enough to jerk off in the open in the gym sauna no matter who is around, but I know not everybody is going to appreciate that) and despite wanting to do everything I have to hold back so that I don’t push myself over the edge. Last night in the showers there was a guy checking me out and I wanted to jerk off for him, but after two or three strokes I had to stop. And every time I’m at home, naked, looking at porn or chatting with guys online (especially Hawk!), the urge to cum is close to overwhelming. It’s hard to focus on anything else at times!

Despite the fact that it is now officially February, though, I don’t plan to cum right away. I’m certainly not going to waste it jerking off, but where it ends up is yet to be determined. There are quite a few events coming up—Trade, the Northbound fetish night, and the BlacKKnighT leather ball—any of which might be fun venue to unleash over 31 days of cum (assuming they are open to sex at the event, which is true of the first but maybe not the others). Plus the option of having Hawk himself get it out of me on video for xtube, or letting that guy I’ve been crushing on fuck it out of me like he promised.

Regardless how it happens, February feels full of possibilities!

Number of times cumming in 2014: 2 (only 10 left!)
Time without cumming: 30 days, 17 hours
Longest time without cumming: 30 days, 17 hours
Current time locked in chastity: 0 days, 0 hours
Cumulative time in chastity: 4 days, 9 hours
Longest time locked in chastity: 3 days, 3 hours
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Things have been pretty quiet for me the last little while sexually, but I don’t want to leave this site too long without an update. My xtube video was featured on dudetube, which is interesting, but mostly I’ve been busy with other things which makes it a lot easier to avoid the temptation of jerking off. Nonetheless, when I check various sites for new comments and messages, especially tumblr, that temptation comes rushing back and in almost no time at all I feel like I need to cum.

It goes away again if I distract myself with something else; it’s not like I have a terrible case of blue balls or anything. But it is always there beneath the surface. While there’s nothing in the rules about not hooking up, I haven’t been motivated to do that. On one hand, I love the idea of channeling this pent up energy into being more sexually active, but on the other I haven’t been too satisfied with the quality of those kinds of hookups much lately, even before this challenge started. I want to be more sexually active, but realistically even if I were allowed to cum (and thus a bit less hesitant about hooking up), 90% of the time I’d just jerk off on my own anyway.

I think this means that I need to seek out more interesting things. One type of interesting would be a steady boyfriend; one, of course, who is on board with having me collared to a guy like Hawk. Another is the sort of things Hawk wants to challenge me to do. For example, I am sure I will have to shower at the gym with my collar on before the week is out, and Hawk wants to add the chastity cage to that as well. And of course, I can seek out more interesting hookups outside of either Hawk or something long term. Things like getting naked outside, groups, making videos, or exploring new kinks. Unfortunately, none of those are available spontaneously when I need them, so I need to put work into pursuing these other kinds of interesting.

I guess that’s just another way in which satisfaction must be delayed. Hopefully I can get high off the anticipation rather than frustrated at the lack of execution.

Time without cumming: 18 days, 19 hours
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Back in my first post I said that not cumming for a while would, among other things, make me more submissive. I need to clarify that statement.

Yes, it may make me willing to submit to some of the more daring things Hawk or others suggest, but that’s at least as much because I’m more willing to give in to what I want to do without over thinking it as becoming more submissive generally.

Another obvious side effect is that it makes me really want to cum. But it’s not just that; after about a week the need to cum started to transition into this need to make it really worth the wait. Jerking off is fun an all but I’ve been saving up this load for two weeks now and I want to make it count. And that means I want to fuck you.

Time without cumming: 14 days, 6 hours

Now since it’s been so long, I don’t expect I’ll be able to hold off very long once I get inside. I also know from experience, though, that after this long shooting once isn’t going to completely release the pressure, which means after I cum inside you once I’m going to keep going, for longer and harder, until I fill you up a second time.

The downside to this feeling is that I know since I won’t be able to back off from shooting my load once I get inside some hot little slut, I can’t really risk indulging in fucking anyone until at least February. What was once a desire to jerk off for the sake of making it count but knowing I can’t has transitioned to being ok with not jerking off but wanting to fuck instead, and still knowing I can’t.

I haven’t decided if, given this state, what follows will help me relieve the tension by living vicariously through my past self, or if it will only tease me with more of what I can’t have, but in honour of this feeling I posted my first video on xtube under the name TheRealGregNaked. It was filmed in September so this cumshot is a freebie. Enjoy.

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