Things have been pretty quiet for me the last little while sexually, but I don’t want to leave this site too long without an update. My xtube video was featured on dudetube, which is interesting, but mostly I’ve been busy with other things which makes it a lot easier to avoid the temptation of jerking off. Nonetheless, when I check various sites for new comments and messages, especially tumblr, that temptation comes rushing back and in almost no time at all I feel like I need to cum.
It goes away again if I distract myself with something else; it’s not like I have a terrible case of blue balls or anything. But it is always there beneath the surface. While there’s nothing in the rules about not hooking up, I haven’t been motivated to do that. On one hand, I love the idea of channeling this pent up energy into being more sexually active, but on the other I haven’t been too satisfied with the quality of those kinds of hookups much lately, even before this challenge started. I want to be more sexually active, but realistically even if I were allowed to cum (and thus a bit less hesitant about hooking up), 90% of the time I’d just jerk off on my own anyway.
I think this means that I need to seek out more interesting things. One type of interesting would be a steady boyfriend; one, of course, who is on board with having me collared to a guy like Hawk. Another is the sort of things Hawk wants to challenge me to do. For example, I am sure I will have to shower at the gym with my collar on before the week is out, and Hawk wants to add the chastity cage to that as well. And of course, I can seek out more interesting hookups outside of either Hawk or something long term. Things like getting naked outside, groups, making videos, or exploring new kinks. Unfortunately, none of those are available spontaneously when I need them, so I need to put work into pursuing these other kinds of interesting.
I guess that’s just another way in which satisfaction must be delayed. Hopefully I can get high off the anticipation rather than frustrated at the lack of execution.
|Time without cumming:||18 days, 19 hours|