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All posts for the month January, 2014

Today I was out and about in the afternoon, and since an upcoming change in my work schedule will make this usual for a weekday afternoon, I decided to finally stop by a well-known cruising washroom on the university campus to see what all the fuss is about.

It wasn’t too hard to find the washroom. It was a bit of a funny layout with four urinals, two on either side of a wall dividing the room. Three were taken, so I walked up to the fourth. I heard nobody pissing and very quickly I could tell the guy next to me was hard. Naturally, I took a step back and started to jack myself off too. I had a feeling the two guys on the other side of the wall were here for the same thing, so I wasn’t worried about being quiet. Sure enough, after a few seconds, I saw out of the corner of my eye one of the guys peer around the corner to see what was going on.

The guy beside me stepped back towards the stalls against the far wall, where the fourth guy opposite him could see, and soon he had stepped back as well. All four of us were there with cocks out, hard, and jerking.

Unfortunately, the washroom wasn’t completely deserted from casual users, and we were interrupted a few times. Each time we tried to act as casual as possible, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit like cockroaches scurrying away from the light. I think it must have been quite obvious to anybody coming in that something was up.

The scene of four guys jerking off for each other out in the open was really turning me on, and it was difficult for me not to cum. Mostly I just had to watch, but I felt awkward not participating. More than anything I wanted to just get on my knees and suck them all off. (Well, more than anything I wanted to do that AND have someone taking pictures). Among other reasons, we were getting interrupted a bit too often for me to be comfortable getting down on my knees there, though, so I decided to leave for the time being. Maybe I’ll try it again before the week is out. (I’m hard now fantasizing about going back into one of the stalls, stripping off all my clothes, and jerking with all the guys there!)

On my way home, I stopped off at a department store to do some shopping, and I couldn’t help but remember one time where I had sucked a guy off and swallowed his load in the washroom here. I remember being on my knees that time. The guy had cum rather quickly, and has soon as he did he was doing up his pants and walking out. I had just stood up, still tasting cum in my mouth, when some other guy walked in. Ten seconds slower and he would have caught us in the act. I don’t think this particular washroom was likely to be cruisy, so I didn’t bother going in (I had real shopping to do!) but I did notice a guy leaving the washroom at one point and thought to myself, “I wonder if I could have just given him a blowjob.”

Oh, and of course I couldn’t help but get completely naked in the changing rooms while trying stuff on:

Trying on clothes, almost

My last cruising stop of the day was later in the evening at the gym. I went and did a workout to make the visit legit (great motivation for keeping fit, I think) and then went to enjoy the showers and sauna. In the showers while rinsing off, I noted a large black guy in board shorts who had been standing in the showers when I had arrived was still there. I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say he was there the entire time I was, using the one shower. Normally hanging out that long means he’s checking guys out, but I didn’t detect any gay eyes, so who knows what he was doing.

There was one guy in the showers when I first got there who instantly I knew was checking me out, so I made sure he could see everything, and enjoyed watching him get semi hard. He was on his way out, though, so the show was short lived. Other than that, I’d have to say this is probably the first time I’ve used this particular gym that I have’t found somebody hanging out in the showers or sauna looking to jerk off. So that was a little disappointing. But, I’m kind of happy that the place isn’t a complete bathhouse. Irregular payoff is more satisfying to us than something regular anyway; more habit forming at any rate.

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My encounter tonight in the sauna made me realize something, which I had actually alluded to in a previous post as well. Part of the reason for this experiment with not cumming is to feel what it’s like to stay horny, on this hormone high, and let that help me embrace my kinky and sexual side (as well as making it easier to integrate that into the rest of my life in a more well-rounded way).

Unfortunately, I find now that not being able to cum is also restricting my sex life in unintended ways. Recently with the cute guy offering me a blowjob at the gym, being so close to the edge meant I couldn’t make the most of it. Sure, I could have blown him, and certainly part of the intent of this challenge was to make me more unabashedly slutty and submissive like that, but 1. that wasn’t the situation that presented itself and 2. when I get this horny it’s pretty easy to get me into a top mood.

So, this makes me think that the challenge as it currently set up isn’t aligned properly with its goals. And that makes me think a rule change might be in order, although, to be clear, I’m not changing the rules yet, I’m just soliciting feedback for now, and will discuss it with Hawk. Some elements of a modified challenge might be:

  • Cumming by someone else’s mouth or ass could be allowed
  • As above, but only a limited number of times, say, once a week tops
  • and possibly also only if I cum without touching myself at all
  • which might allow for other guys to jerk me off or fuck the cum out of me…
  • Then the challenge might be modified to be only 12 times jerking off alone
  • or only jerking off once if I haven’t otherwise cum in the last month
  • or some other variation

Personally, I like the idea of being allowed to cum if I’m with another guy and if it’s without touching myself, and otherwise only being allowed to jerk off if I haven’t cum for the previous month.

This would kill the “12 shot challenge” moniker, since I could well cum more often than that, but it would reduce the effect of limiting my sexual activity while still making sure I stay horny otherwise. It would create an incentive to seek out sex more often, which could either be a good or bad thing. Bad if I abuse the privilege and seek out encounters whenever I feel like jerking off, but good if it means I’m more able to act on those urges building up and riding those highs (in a healthy way). To be honest, I think I would still tend towards not cumming, especially in sexual encounters where I was in a sub/bottom role, because I know how good it feels to keep the anticipation running high.

Oh, and perhaps I should also mention in the interest of full disclosure that there is a really hot guy who has explicitly told me he wants to fuck the cum out of me sometime this week and I don’t want to leave him disappointed.

Anyway, I’m putting this out here for feedback, from Hawk, from any readers here, and also to my twitter followers. What say you all?

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I was sitting the sauna at the gym after my workout when I spotted this really cute guy coming into the locker room from the pool. Little pink shorts, short with this good solid build, shaggy black hair, beard, and big nerdy glasses. I mean, really fucking cute, as in half a second after seeing him I knew I wanted to see more of this guy.

He hung up his towel outside the sauna and walked into the shower room. After a minute, he came back out, hung up his shorts next to the towel, and walked into the sauna completely naked. This, I thought, is a good sign. God, what an ass he had climbing up to the top bench. The sauna has benches along two walls; I was at the end of one wall, and he sat on the other wall but closer to the corner such that I would have to turn my head a lot to check him out. I wonder if, in retrospect, that position was not an accident. I wanted to check this guy out so I glanced over trying to make it seem as casual as possible. He made some small talk about how there’s someone who adds scented oil to make the place smell like pine, and I was happy for the chance to look his way when responding.

I had been in there for quite a while so I stepped out to take a cold shower and rinse off. At this point I didn’t get any sense that he was cruising, so I was taking my time soaping up and cleaning off, not even sure if I was going to hang around or head home. Then he came out and started rinsing off in the showers. Seeing him again made me want to see more. This guy was really doing it for me.

So I rinsed off and went back into the showers. I was definitely sporting a semi at this point. While I was alone in the sauna, I took the opportunity to jerk off a bit. Now, remember, at this time:

Time without cumming: 24 days, 21 hours

and at this stage I’m at a point where even before I’m fully hard I start to feel like one extra touch or a strong breeze will push me over the edge, so I didn’t push myself too far.

Then Cutey McFuckable comes back in and takes his same spot. I’m half hard, legs open, not hiding anything. I noticed that he sits with no towel, legs apart, arms at his sides. I glance over a few times and one time when he catches me give him a quick smile. I rest my forearms across my thighs, which puts my hands close to my cock. I “adjust” myself once or twice and out of the corner of my eye see his hands have moved closer to his cock too. When not looking at him, I flex my dick a few times just in case he’s watching. Wanting to see what his hands are up to, I look over, make eye contact, and watch as his hand moves to his dick.

“You don’t mind?” he asks.

“Definitely not,” I say, as my hand moves to my own dick. Now we’re both jerking very lightly, casually, in the kind of way that if someone walked in (or walked by the large window along one wall) we could let go and it would only seem like we were adjusting or scratching an itch. But after about 20 seconds:

“Do you want a blowjob?”

GOD DAMN, I think. I love a guy who’s that direct, that quickly, in public, and again, did I mention how good looking I found him?

I said, “yeah. You’re not worried about that window?”

“No, just move over here and let me know if anybody passes”

I know I’m asking for trouble now, but I move closer to him at the corner and he’s moving onto my cock before I even know what’s happening. I’m watching out the window as he goes down on me right there in the sauna, but luckily nobody happens to be passing by and I don’t have to stop him.

Fuck, I think, I could cum any second if he keeps this up… and then I really do have to stop him. He pulls off very quickly as soon as I even start to indicate for him to stop, since he thinks someone is about to catch us, but I tell him “I’m too close to cumming.”

“You’re that excited?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve cum.” He just smiles at me and my brain explodes a little bit.

Just then, in quick succession, two other guys walk in. I guess it was good I stopped him when I did (although, more on those two guys in a minute). We were now sitting suspiciously close together; my knee was almost touching his, but he gets up and goes out to the shower. I wait a minute or so and then follow.

In the showers it’s just the two of us. I take a shower head with one in between us (I’m not quite brazen enough to take the one directly next to him in a room with a good 20 empty ones around like some others have done).

“Do you know anywhere around here?” he says, quiet enough that the guys in the stalls at the other end won’t overhear.

“Not really.”

“We could go upstairs.”

“What’s upstairs?”

“Top floor, it’s pretty empty.”

I want to do it so badly at this point. Public sex like that, finding new places to try it, the adrenaline of it, not to mention getting this particular guy on his knees…

I don’t think I responded, I just kept showering, cleaned off, checking him out and jerking off a bit keeping myself close to the edge but not too close. The two guys that stopped him from blowing me more in the sauna had now joined us in the showers so we couldn’t discuss where to hook up too openly any more anyway. We both finish up and move out of the showers and start drying off.

“Not tonight,” I told him, “I have to get going.”

I didn’t have anywhere to be, but I knew if I went with him he’d be swallowing my load pretty quickly, several days sooner than I was allowed to give it.

“We could go back in there,” he suggested, nodding towards the sauna, but just as he did, the two buzzkills went from the shower back into it, so that wasn’t an option anyway.

“Rain cheque,” I say.

He just gives me that killer smile, exuding this kind of confidence, saying “I know you want to” with his eyes, and walks away. After getting dressed, I start my way out of the gym, and stop on the front steps to type a text message when he walks by again.

“Just chilling here for a while?” he asks.

“No, just don’t want to type and walk at the same time.”

He glaces around quickly and says, from several meters away as if he were asking what time it was or which way Bay St was, “I really wanted your load.”

Fuck that smile.

“I want to give it to you, just can’t tonight.”

We exchanged a couple words about what times we are usually around, and that I really hoped to run into him again. Though, as we went our separate ways, in the back of my mind I wasn’t sure I’d ever really be able to give him that load, as much as I want to. To see my cum shoot across that face, in his scruff and over those nerdy glasses, coating that smile, out in public somewhere, would be amazing. Hopefully next time I run into him I’ll have something to feed him.

<sidenote> There’s something strange about those two guys who were going back and forth from the sauna and showers. One is a young thug looking guy, wearing big black shorts in the showers getting soaking wet. He kept looking around in a “sizing people up” sort of way, but also had his hand down the front of his shorts in the showers way more than normal. And he was going back and forth from the showers to the sauna often enough that I might have guessed he was cruising. But there was a second guy, much older and completely unattractive, who on the face of it had no connection with the younger guy, but seemed to always be in the same place. They never spoke or interacted as far as I saw, but I got this weird sense that the young guy was some kind of sub boy to the older guy. Or possibly a hired consort. Maybe I’m just reading into their body language with my own kinky biases, but I’m definitely going to keep an eye out for those two in the future. </sidenote>

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This weekend I spent the better part of a day in bed with a very sexy and attractive guy. I won’t record the details here to protect the innocent, but it does raise a few interesting questions. What’s the best way to navigate a new relationship given my current challenge, my simultaneously platonic and highly sexual friendship with/submission to Hawk, and the suite of kinks I still want to explore? Obviously a lot of this depends on the guy, but I wonder if it’s even possible. If he’s worth it something might have to give!

If nothing else this will test my commitment to being upfront about my kinks and experiences. I’ve already not said as much as I think I should have (even to the point of dodging questions that were a perfect opportunity to open up, as is my long standing habit) though I’m doing better than I have in the past. Guess there’s nothing to do but wait and see.

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Tonight marks the end of our one-week experiment of me living with a collar locked on by Hawk. It was definitely an interesting experience.

Despite the fact that I mostly wore it under T-shirts or collared shirts, such that most people would only think it was a chain necklace if they noticed it at all, it was still kind of exhilarating knowing I was wearing a symbol of my submission to Hawk in public. He heavily encouraged wearing it with the lock showing so that some might pick up on the fact that it was more than just a fashion accessory. There was certainly no hiding it in the showers at the gym.

Collared at the gym

Collared at the gym, lock out and proud

Tonight I met up with Hawk so that I could be unlocked. I know he wanted to keep me collared, probably indefinitely. Immediately after entering his apartment he put me in mitts, locked on, and started stripping me. There were many times that I came close to cumming over the next hour or two, but there’s still at least another week before February. Hawk had no such restrictions, though, and added a few photos to his camera roll.

Before parting, he dressed me (still with mitts locked on so I was pretty helpless), bundled me up to go outside (which gave us the silly sense that I was a kid in kindergarten again), and took me out for a walk. He didn’t go as far as using a leash, but that may come in time.

Now since its winter, I’m sure 99% of people thought nothing of the mitts I was wearing. I doubt anybody noticed the locks. But, it’s an interesting thing to walk that line between public and private, to experiment with exposure and kinks like that. I have no interest in making other people unwilling participants in my fantasies. I don’t think wearing a chain around my neck crosses that line, but maybe a leash would have, and while there are some obvious things that would cross it, it’s still hard to see where that line is. At least I know there will always be plenty of contexts (i.e. where I know the audience is more appreciative) where boundaries can be pushed a lot further. And everywhere else it’ll just test Hawk’s creativity to see how he can make me keep feeling like his good pup.

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Things have been pretty quiet for me the last little while sexually, but I don’t want to leave this site too long without an update. My xtube video was featured on dudetube, which is interesting, but mostly I’ve been busy with other things which makes it a lot easier to avoid the temptation of jerking off. Nonetheless, when I check various sites for new comments and messages, especially tumblr, that temptation comes rushing back and in almost no time at all I feel like I need to cum.

It goes away again if I distract myself with something else; it’s not like I have a terrible case of blue balls or anything. But it is always there beneath the surface. While there’s nothing in the rules about not hooking up, I haven’t been motivated to do that. On one hand, I love the idea of channeling this pent up energy into being more sexually active, but on the other I haven’t been too satisfied with the quality of those kinds of hookups much lately, even before this challenge started. I want to be more sexually active, but realistically even if I were allowed to cum (and thus a bit less hesitant about hooking up), 90% of the time I’d just jerk off on my own anyway.

I think this means that I need to seek out more interesting things. One type of interesting would be a steady boyfriend; one, of course, who is on board with having me collared to a guy like Hawk. Another is the sort of things Hawk wants to challenge me to do. For example, I am sure I will have to shower at the gym with my collar on before the week is out, and Hawk wants to add the chastity cage to that as well. And of course, I can seek out more interesting hookups outside of either Hawk or something long term. Things like getting naked outside, groups, making videos, or exploring new kinks. Unfortunately, none of those are available spontaneously when I need them, so I need to put work into pursuing these other kinds of interesting.

I guess that’s just another way in which satisfaction must be delayed. Hopefully I can get high off the anticipation rather than frustrated at the lack of execution.

Time without cumming: 18 days, 19 hours
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At about 5 pm today I got this text message from Hawk:

Hey pup, it’s time to lock a collar on you. Long overdue.

Immediately my heart jumped and I started thinking of all these reasons why I couldn’t, who might see it, what people would think, blah blah blah… but very quickly I knew that he was right. It was time.

Within about 2 hours of receiving that text, I was on my way to meet him and I heard the click of the lock with almost no discussion.

We’ve talked about doing this before, and with several variations. One was that I should have one of either the chastity cage or the collar locked on at all times—if I wanted one off for whatever reason, the other would have to go on—or maybe the collar would have to stay on until I trained myself to stay in chastity for at least a week. This first time, though, we’re keeping it simple. It will stay on for a week. Period. No excuses. Collared.

Collared and naked

One week starts now.

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Back in my first post I said that not cumming for a while would, among other things, make me more submissive. I need to clarify that statement.

Yes, it may make me willing to submit to some of the more daring things Hawk or others suggest, but that’s at least as much because I’m more willing to give in to what I want to do without over thinking it as becoming more submissive generally.

Another obvious side effect is that it makes me really want to cum. But it’s not just that; after about a week the need to cum started to transition into this need to make it really worth the wait. Jerking off is fun an all but I’ve been saving up this load for two weeks now and I want to make it count. And that means I want to fuck you.

Time without cumming: 14 days, 6 hours

Now since it’s been so long, I don’t expect I’ll be able to hold off very long once I get inside. I also know from experience, though, that after this long shooting once isn’t going to completely release the pressure, which means after I cum inside you once I’m going to keep going, for longer and harder, until I fill you up a second time.

The downside to this feeling is that I know since I won’t be able to back off from shooting my load once I get inside some hot little slut, I can’t really risk indulging in fucking anyone until at least February. What was once a desire to jerk off for the sake of making it count but knowing I can’t has transitioned to being ok with not jerking off but wanting to fuck instead, and still knowing I can’t.

I haven’t decided if, given this state, what follows will help me relieve the tension by living vicariously through my past self, or if it will only tease me with more of what I can’t have, but in honour of this feeling I posted my first video on xtube under the name TheRealGregNaked. It was filmed in September so this cumshot is a freebie. Enjoy.

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